Bitter Choices
by klynnrhiannon
Summary: Kahlan chooses to sacrafice everything for the Midlands, including the man she loves. Rated T for now, may change in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

BITTER CHOICES

**CH** **1:Confessor's Resolve **The cold was bitter, slicing cold daggers against the exposed skin of my face. I licked my blistered lips again trying to moisten them but it was useless. My gloved hands were numb but still held tightly to the reins of my horse. I focused on the weight of Richard's cloak wrapped around me & tried to feel his spirit with me somehow. Grief overwhelming me again but I silently forced myself to endure the pain, the one thing I lived for these days. eI kept my proud gaze straight ahead as I followed the line of warriors who were leading me to my fate. I ignored the soft gasps & whispers of the bystanders watching us pass through the small town of Havenwood. Small children wrapped in thin blankets huddled against their mothers, eyes hollow staring at me. I could not even bring myself to look into their faces. I knew my sacrifice was for them, that they would live to be free while I would be a slave to a loveless marriage to a man I hated. I had come on my own fruition against everyone else's counsel. Even Zedd had pleaded with me to stay insisting that this was too high a sacrifice to pay. But the Midlands were mine to protect & a life of duty without love was always my understood destiny. Even now I could feel the strength of my resolve slowly seeping into my veins & mixing with the bitter grief that I had pulled tight around me. I would do anything to save Richard, even if it meant betraying him. I was fooling myself into thinking that I had agreed to marry Rahl in exchange for peace in the Midlands. What I really needed was to know Richard would be safe, that he would live a normal life & forget about me & all the hopelessness that came with being forced to carry on the responsibility of the seeker. He would be angry, yes, & maybe he would hate me, but he would be alive. What was I fooling myself? Why would it matter to Richard? I had lied to him, kept my secrets from him, allowing myself the fantasy of being a real woman, of feeling something for someone who I could never have. "I'm so sorry Richard" I whispered to myself. As if in answer, a sharp wind slapped my hair against my face & stung my eyes. I bent forward in an attempt to free my face from the onslaught of the harsh wind. It was growing darker around me as we rode through the last trecks of the outskirts of town, the last few miles of the Midlands before we entered D'Hara. I sat straight up, shoulders back, chin held high with defiance to the winter chill & the bitterness in my heart. I said a silent farewell to my Midlands as I inched closer to my bitter fate.


	2. Chapter 2 Memories

As the last shadows of dusk faded, we crossed into D'Hara. Tall black oaks towered above us, their branches thick and twisted tight to hide the moons rays. I squinted in the darkness and could just make out the outline of the D'haran who rode in front of me. I wondered if we would continue through the darkness or if we would stop to make camp. Silently, I prayed the spirits would give me another night before facing Rahl.

My mind began to drift over the past three weeks of my life. I had gone over and over the small details again and again searching for anything that could bring me comfort in the choice I had made. None came, not tonight.

The mistakes I had made had cost me dearly. I chastised myself again for not telling Richard about my powers sooner. Now he knew, but Denna had told him. I can still almost taste the bitterness in his voice when he had said- "if there's one thing I learned from Denna, its how to suffer in silence". What a fool I had been! We did not speak much after that night in the forest. I could tell that it pained him to be near me. I was right. He could never care for me after he found out what I was. The anguish of him not looking at me, smiling at me, and barely speaking to me was worse than any pain I had ever had to endure. Marrying Rahl would be bliss compared to Richard's indifference towards me.

Breathing deep to try and stop the tears from the memories, I continued to stare in front of me. The path we were traveling was narrow and only wide enough for us to ride single file. The rhythmic clomp, clomp of the horses as they walked and the occasional sound of a distant owl relaxed me into a trance like feeling. My body was present but I could not bring myself to connect with what was happening. I did not want to think about Richard, but it was impossible.

Tears streamed quietly and unseen down my cheeks as I recalled the last night I had seen him. Chase and Richard had decided to go to Tamarang to get the box of Orden that was hidden there. I was to stay with Zedd and the resistance fighters and meet up with them at Tyrnin several miles north. That night, I had decided to try and speak with him. Cautiously approaching, I found him alone by the creek filling our bucket with water for cooking. I stopped halfway, almost too afraid to speak to him when he looked up at me. Our eyes locked, his raptor gaze piercing my soul. I gave him my special smile, but he did not return it. His gaze still penetrated mine and I could sense his anger.

"Richard…."

"Kahlan, I don't want you to come with me. You should stay here with Zedd" he stated in a clipped tone and looked away.

"Richard, its too dangerous without me. You don't know the first thing about how…"

"Chase will be with me and Giller is there. You said so yourself, he will help us. I don't want you with me, Kahlan."

His words stabbed me through the heart and I tried not to cry, I tried to be strong, but tears had escaped.

"Richard" I wailed "I'm…I'm…sorry. I know I hurt you, and you have every right to hate me, but please….don't shut me out." I had turned around with my back to him, hoping that he did not see my tears, but I knew he could hear them. I inhailed with a shacky breath and looked back over my shoulder. He wasn't even looking at me. My nails dug into my arms that were wrapped around me and I couldn't help but allow the tears to continue cascading down my face.

"Kahlan" his voice was closer now "Look at me".

"No, I can't" I said through sobbs. "I just….I…"

His arms were around me then and he whispered "I don't hate you Kahlan. I could never hate you. But I can't be near you right now. I have to work my feelings out and I have to do this without you." He kissed me in the soft spot behind my ear and held me tight against him, but his embrace was short. Before I could even protest, he had picked up the bucket and headed back towards the campsite. I collapsed there and wept like I had never before wept in my life.

I was close to weeping at the memory now, alone in the darkness with more than a dozen D'Harans. Grateful for the loud winter wind and the pitch black for hiding my weakness, I wiped the tears from my face with my gloved hands and focused on the strength of my upbringing as a confessor. But the pain of losing Richard was stronger.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 Richard's Return **

Richard and Chase crashed through the trees of the resistance camp in the darkness before dawn. It had been two weeks since Richard had rode out to Tamarang. The box of Orden was tied securely at his back and Richard was eager to get rid of the haunting weight he felt from its magic.

The sounds of swords being drawn filled the dark morning and shouts of alarm drew near as the resistance forces surrounded them. Richard pushed back his hood and met their hostile welcome with a beaming grin.

"Fall back, its Richard and Chase!" Cheers arose with the chorus of the morning forest as they lowered their swords.

"Welcome back, Seeker" said Lucan, grasping wrists with Richard. "We were beginning to worry." Lucan beamed humorously, clapping him on the back. Richard stumbled slightly at the large man's friendly blow but returned Lucan's smile.

"Great to see you too, Lucan. Chase and I are glad to be back" said Richard rubbing his hands together and breathing into his palms to try and warm them. "It's a long story, but we got the box of Ordden" he said pointing to his pack indicating where it was. "I would be glad to get rid of this and give it over to Zedd as soon as I can."

"Richard" said Lena as she came up with Grenden, a boy of 15 who had joined the resistance from Heartland, "here's something to warm you up" she said handing him a mug of streaming hot apple cider."

My thanks, Lena" smiled Richard "you seem to always know just what I need." He winked and warmed his hands on the mug. Lena blushed and said "I'm just glad to have you back. Chase too" she quickly added. She continued to smile as she approached Chase who was being greeted by some of his family who had joined the resistance, and handed him a mug of cider as well.

"She's in love with you Richard" teased Grenden. They all laughed, even Richard as he watched her walk away. Lucan and Grenden thought he was admiring Lena, but Richard's mind was elsewhere. Every woman made him think of Kahlan. He missed her fiercely and had been unable to quench the feelings he had for her. Being apart from her had been torture. Every night that he had been gone, he had laid awake thinking of how he had made her cry and regretted that he had not told her that he loved her, even though he could never be hers and she could never be his. The reality of it felt as though a thousand knives were being stabbed into him repeatedly. There had never been anyone else he had loved like he loved her, and there never would be. Ever. He vowed to find a way for them, even if it took his whole life searching.

In Tamarang when he thought that he might never escape with his life, much less the last box of Orden, it was his love for Kahlan that had made him find the strength within himself and the courage to slip past the drunken revelers through the winding, twisting hallways that led to the box of Orden. It was her smile he had envisioned when the blood pounded loudly in his head from the fear of being discovered. It was her spirit that always gave him the will to fight and go on even when the task at hand seemed impossible.

A strong hand on his shoulder stunned him out of his reverie. "You look exhausted" said Lucan, his brows knit together with concern "you should get some rest." Nodding slightly in response, he was only vaguely aware of Lucan and Grenden pulling him away from the crowd. Richard was still thinking of Kahlan when he suddenly grew worried. Something wasn't right. Why had she not come to greet him with everyone else? He frantically scanned the camp, apprehension gripping in the pit of his stomach.

"Where's Kahlan?" he asked. Grenden and Lucan exchanged nervous glances with each other and wouldn't meet his gaze.

"She's…" began Grenden.

"Ugh…Richard…she um…" stuttered Lucan.  
"You should talk to Zedd, Richard" said Chase who had overheard. His eyes were laced with sorrow as he gripped Richards shoulder sympathetically.  
"What's going on?" Richard demanded. "Tell me where Kahlan is. She's alright isn't she?"

Chase exchanged parting nods with Lucan and Grenden and pulled Richard towards the tents.

They walked in silence while Richard tried to quell his rising sense of panic. Chase didn't say a word but kept his face emotionless as he led them toward Zedd's tent. The fact that Zedd had not shown up to greet them caused Richard's state of unease to boil even more. It seemed as though everyone knew something that he didn't. As they passed the first cluster of tents, he noticed the rest of the camp avoided eye contact when greeting them. Something was definitely not right. He started to wonder if he even wanted to know what everyone was hiding.

They reached Zedd's quarters just as the first rays of dawn streamed through the thick forest trees. Zedd was seated on an overturned log stirring a steaming pot of oats and occasionally adding blackberries.

"Just in time to steal some of my breakfast, my boy?" he looked up with a large grin spreading all the way to his eyes.

Richard didn't hesitate with pleasant smiles and greetings. Zedd's apparent ease angered Richard. He felt somehow betrayed but he didn't know why. "Where's Kahlan?" he asked.

Zedd hesitated at first but then his smile faded becoming a look of sorrow and sympathy "There's time enough to speak of Kahlan, Richard. You should eat something and rest first." He held up a bowl in offering toward him but he shook his head and looked at Chase for help.

"Why is everyone trying to hide something from me? Just tell me where she is." He pleaded, panic raising his voice.

Instead of answering, Zedd pulled out a scroll from under his robes and handed it to Richard.

"What's this?" he asked as he turned it over in his hands noticing the eagle of the D'Haran seal staring back at him.

"Read it first, Richard. Then we will talk."

The seal was already broken so he easily unrolled the document and smoothed it out on his lap before picking it up to read. The entire document faded away and only a section jumped out and nearly knocked him off the rock in which he was sitting. It said:

_An agreement of peace with the Midlands has been granted in exchange_

_For the submission of the Mother Confessor _

_by the bonding of her hand in marriage to Darken Rahl._

_Refusal to comply will result in the enslavement of all the Midlands_

After he read the section over and over willing it to change the document slipped from his shacking hands to the ground of frozen mud.

"Zedd?" said Richard. His voice cracked with emotion as he nervously ran his hand through his hair "Did she… did she agree to this?" tears were threatening to break loose as he held Zedd's gaze.

Zedd stood and came over to kneel by Richard. He pulled Richard into a strong hug and answered "I'm so sorry my boy. I tried to find another way and I even tried to talk her out of it. But, you know Kahlan better than anyone. She would rather die than let her Midlands suffer."

"No. She would rather marry Raul. I don't know what's worse." Tears of anger had seeped out the corners of Richard's eyes as he tried to breathe around the crushing feel of her betrayal. " When did she…?"

"Shortly after you and Chase left a small regimen of D'Haran's rode into our camp unarmed to give us Raul's demands. Kahlan left with them the same night. She would have made it to D'Hara by now. Before she left, she promised to send word when she reached the People's Palace, but we haven't heard anything."

Richard pushed away from Zedd and fell to the ground retching the contents of his stomach. His body shook violently as he tried to comprehend what he had just heard. Kahlan, the woman he loved, had agreed to be the wife of his greatest enemy.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Richard's Resolve

"Richard, my boy, calm down. There's nothing you can do. Kahlan made a hard choice and put aside her own life to save the Midlands. That's what being the Mother Confessor is Richard." Zedd reached under Richards arms and tried to help him stand up, but he shoved out of Zedd's grip in anguish and clutched the sword of Truth as he stood, pulling strength from the anger of the magic.

"YOU! You let her leave! Why didn't you stop her? Do you _really _think that Rahl is going to keep peace with the Midlands? You and everybody else are out of their minds to trust him! How could you just let her go….with D'Harans? I'm afraid to even think what they've done to her by now. They're brutes just like Rahl! Do you realize what _he's _going to do to her? You betrayed me, Zedd! I thought I knew you, but I don't!"

"Richard…"

But he wasn't listening; he shoved his way past Zedd and Chase, who had been watching in silence, and stalked towards the edge of camp. He went into what had been Kahlan's tent when she was here. The Mother Confessor's touch was still evident even on the outside of her tent. Neatly laid stones were arranged around the fire pit, just like he had taught her. He went inside and looked around. All of her things remained save for her pack and her Confessors dress. He wasn't sure why she would have taken it with her, she wouldn't need it. He sank to his knees and picked up one of her daggers and pressed it against his palm until his knuckles were white. Then he threw it and it landed with a _thunk_ into the support beam in the center of the tent.

"Kahlan why?" he whispered to himself. His breathing had began to even as he sat alone surrounded by everything that belonged to her. It made him feel comforted but at the same time he felt more separated from her than he had ever felt. Richard knew he would go after her, but what would Zedd and the resistance say? He would go alone then, he decided. No one had stopped her while he was gone. Would he have found a way? He groaned and put his face in his hands, feeling the weight of the past month shudder through him. He was exhausted but he wouldn't sleep.

He got up and went towards where Lucan and Grenden had been seen taking his things. Thankfully, the box of Orden was with Zedd now. At least that much was taken care of. He scanned his quarters for his things and noticed that everything he had left behind while going to Tamarang had been brought here as well. He began to mentally take inventory at what he would need to take with him to D'Hara. It was freezing this time of year and he wanted his warm fur cloak, for sure. He began to search through the pile of belongings but was frustrated that he couldn't find it. He opened his trunk last and fumbled through more things. "Where is it?" he grumbled to himself.

As he was closing the lid, a piece of paper fell to the floor. Leaning over to pick it up he was about to toss it outside to add to the wood for fire when he noticed Kahlan's handwriting. He froze. Not really sure if he wanted to know of any of her excuses, he picked up the letter anyway, curiosity had out won over anger. He opened the letter and couldn't hold it still because his hands were shacking so badly. He took a deep breath and began to read.

_Richard,_

_There's so much I wanted to say to you but I am at a loss for words. I hope you will remember the good things about me and not harbor bitterness in your heart against me. I hope that you will go on to live a normal life and find a wife and have the many children I know you long to have. Please know that my heart will only and always belong to you. –Kahlan _

_(Oh yes, and I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of taking your fur cloak with me. It's frigid here today and I don't have any time to search out something warm.) _

Richard couldn't help but wonder why she seemed so lighthearted about the whole situation. But he was floored to see her admit her love for him. She had said she shared his feelings but loving him? He smiled sadly to himself as he closed his eyes and thought of her face. After reading her letter he had a new sense of purpose to search for her. No matter what happened, he would get her back.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Fear

As Richard sat alone, his heart clenching at the words of her letter, Kahlan was pulling up the reins of her horse to halt with the rest of the D'Haran squad.

"We'll camp here tonight" stated General Tranzin gruffly, "get the witch off her horse and bring her to me" Kahlan shuddered at his words and dismounted on her own. As her feet landed on the cold winter ground, two D'Harans each grabbed one of her arms roughly and forced her to march forward. Kahlan studied the General as she approached him, trying to gauge the situation. He was huge and stood two heads taller than her. He was all muscle and had long stringy blonde hair that was sticking to his face in places. She noticed him leering at her and she wished she had tied her cloak tighter so he couldn't stare at her breasts.

"My, my, if it isn't the Mother Confessor herself. I am honored to have you as our special guest tonight" he taunted. The men who were within earshot burst into laughter as the General came to stand an inch in front of her. He reached out and took a lock of hair in his fingers and brought it to his lips. "You are intoxicating." He said as he kissed her hair. He dropped the lock and grabbed the back of her neck and brought his lips to hers in a painful kiss. She tried to struggle but to no avail. The D'Harans who were holding her had her gripped so tightly that her arms were starting to feel numb. When he slipped his tongue into her mouth, she bit him as hard as she could.

"WENCH!" he screamed as blood poured from his mouth. He backhanded her hard across the face and then grabbed her face. "One move like that again witch, and you'll have all of us between your legs before the night is out."

Kahlan felt the blood drain from her face as he pushed her hair away from her neck. She heard the sound of metal clanging followed by a cold weight around her neck. When she heard the click she panicked. It was a Rada Han. Kahlan tried to focus with all her might not to pass out even as the blood pounded loud in her head. She forced her confessor's face into place and prayed to the spirits for protection.

Through her fear she spoke with confidence "Lord Rahl would have you all killed if you violated his future wife. You know how he is with his women. Not even Nass gets the privilege to share what is his." She spit on the general before stating between clenched teeth "you will regret the day you were born if you touch me."

Tranzin leveled his gaze at her and she noticed the fear behind his eyes. When he spoke his voice wavered slightly and she, a confessor, noticed but she doubted anyone else heard it. "I will do as I please with you, confessor" he spat "Rahl isn't here and it would be worth it to ruin you. Rahl may kill us, but that will not change me being the first, even before the Seeker". He grinned. "A pity he isn't here to watch" that erupted laughter from all of the men as they watched to see what would happen. "I'll be waiting for you tonight." He grinned slyly. "Take her over and tie her to up. We can't allow our guest of honor to escape, can we?" With that he turned and left.

Kahlan felt tears gathering in the corner of her eyes as they roughly bound her to a pine tree. She sat on the pine needles and tried to shift so they wouldn't prick open the skin of her legs. One of the younger D'Harans had come over with a cup of soup and held it to her lips to drink. The soup was stale and hot, burning her throat as it dripped down.

Kahlan tried to think, but fear had paralyzed her mind. She thought of Richard and almost let out a sob as the D'Haran took away the hot cup from her lips as she finished. "Don't worry Mother Confessor. You'll enjoy your night with the General. All the women do." He grinned as he got up from his seat and went back into camp. She rested her head against the tree and her eyes closed against her will as exhaustion overtook her.

She awoke with a start as she felt rough hands grab her legs and force them apart Her skirts were already bunched up to her waist as he crawled up to her. It wasn't Tranzin, but the young D'Haran who had fed her earlier. He lowered his head to kiss her as his hand moved up her thigh. He tasted of ale and sweat and it almost made her gag. She broke away from him and screamed when she felt him push his fingers inside of her.

At once someone grabbed him and threw him off stabbing him. The other D'Haran's were ignited with the fight and began thrusting their swords at each other. Loud yells and tents crashing to the ground in disarray added to the chaos. The men were all drunk and seemed to have forgotten her for the moment. When the General came out of his tent, he yelled over the commotion to stop. No one seemed to listen and he began to throw things at them to try and stop the fight.

Kahlan watched anxiously as men struggled with each other. Four men were already dead and the ones who weren't fighting had passed out drunk already. In the darkness, Kahlan continued to watch the men. Three of them were ingaged in a brutal beating with Tranzin, over what, she didn't know. One of them suddenly fell over the cooking pot and the soup splashed over doucing the only fire that was left.

In the pitch black, she couldn't see what was happening but she could hear the punches and the grunts as the men continued to pummel each other. When the fight began to wane, Kahlan could hear the men groaning in pain. Then it was over and the darkness was suddenly eerily quiet. Kahlan strained to listen for any sounds, but none came. She stayed awake and looked up through the trees glimpsing a clutch of stars. She thought of Richard and his gentleness with her. She missed him and their long talks at night. How she wished he were here with her this night. A smile crossed her lips at what she imagined would have happened to the D'Haran who had tried to ravish her if Richard had been here. The man along with the rest of them would be dead tonight. Kahlan leaned her head back against the trees and thought of Richard and prayed thanks to the spirits that she was safe, if only for tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch 6: Convincing**

Richard jerked awake with a start and almost forgot where he was. He was sore from sleeping sitting up with his head on the cot. He slowly stood and stretched, yawning widely.

He stepped outside in the evening dusk admonishing his self for falling asleep for so long.

"You're finally awake, I see" said Lena as she was walking up to his tent. "Zedd said it was best to let you sleep, so I was guarding your tent to make sure you weren't disturbed."

"Thanks Lena, but next time, don't listen to Zedd. I wanted to be gone by now and I slept all day!"

"You're leaving again? Where?" she asked curiously.

"I can't let Kahlan go through with this, Lena. Darken Raul won't keep his promises. He's using Kahlan for a darker purpose….I just know it."

"Do you think he may have ordered the marriage to try and get to you, Richard? What if it's a trap?"

"Everything's a trap with Raul. I could care less if he wants to kill me, as long as Kahlan is safe."

"Richard, you shouldn't risk your life for her. I know you care for her….but there's no future for you and her. Don't throw everything away for something that can never be."

Richard gazed off into the darkening night and felt tears threatening to escape. "I love her….more than I love my own soul" he whispered.

Lena caught her breath and grabbed Richard by the shoulders "don't do this to yourself, Richard! You can never love her! Please stop this" she said and released her grip on his shoulders. He was looking at her blankly as though what she was saying didn't register.

"I'm going to rescue Kahlan. If you want to help me, fine. If not, then stay out of my way. There's no use in trying to talk me out of this. I'm going."

"Well, I guess if there's one thing I know about you, its that you're stubborn" she sighed "I'll help you get things together, but my brothers would never let me go with you." She stood up and offered Richard a hand that he reluctantly took. "I will go pack food for the journey since I'm usually in the kitchen tents anyway." She smiled.

"Thanks Lena. I'm glad someone understands."

"I didn't say I understood, Richard. You're my friend and I would do anything for you."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked off towards the kitchen tents. Richard wasted no time in gathering what he would need for the journey. He then went to the lake and washed up quickly so he would be ready when Lena returned.

He had decided to go alone. The resistance would just cause suspicion in D'Hara and alert Raul to his presence there. That would only endanger Kahlan.

As Richard was walking up the steep bank of the lake, he noticed Zedd at the top, his arms crossed and watching him. "Great" Richard said to himself "now Zedd knows I'm up to something.

"Zedd…what are you doing here? Thinking of going for a swim?" Richard asked, trying to lighten Zedd's obvious dark moon. A flicker of humor crossed his eyes but the wizard's stubborn anger would not be easily shaken.

"You know very well why I'm here, and its not for a SWIM!" he yelled flapping his arms to get his point across. His face and neck were red and his eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of his face. "I know what you're planning Richard and I won't let it happen. I order you as Wizard of the First Order to stop this nonsense at once! Don't you even THINK about going traipsing all over D'Hara alone. Do you even know how to get there?"

"Ugh…" Richard stuttered and tried to answer but Zedd seemed to be on a roll.

"And how, may I ask, do you plan on getting inside the People's Palace….going up and politely knocking on the door?" Zedd continued yelling and Richard started walking back to his tent, tuning Zedd out and allowing him to fume before attempting to talk to him again. He was not going to get a word in right now, no matter how much he tried.

When Zedd plopped himself down on a log outside of Richard's tent he seemed to finally settle a bit. He rubbed a hand down his face and looked up at Richard from beneath his bushy grey eyebrows.

"I know you're upset about Kahlan, Richard…but you cannot go after her. Its suicide for you, and the Midlands. There isn't anything you or any…"

"No, Zedd! I'm not leaving Kahlan with Raul! No matter how hopeless it seems, I WILL do this. I can't let Raul …." Richard stopped as tears began to run down his face. Every time he thought about what Raul would do to Kahlan he would almost lose control of his anger. This time those thoughts just made him want to weep.

"Richard" said Zedd in a soothing voice and put a hand on Richard's arm "I know what you feel for Kahlan and I'm sorry that she hurt you by not telling you the truth. But she would want you to be safe and…."

Richard was sobbing openly and Zedd folded him into a strong embrace. It made Richard miss his father and he wept even harder until he was spent and shaking. Yes, Kahlan had hurt him but it didn't matter. He understood why she had been afraid to tell him and he didn't blame her, not anymore. Even when Zedd had warned him that he could never have Kahlan, he had already fallen in love with her. He had always loved her ever since that day in Heartland.

"Zedd….if it were me would you risk everything to rescue me?" he asked.

"Of course Richard!" Zedd answered before thinking about what he was saying.

"You just trapped yourself, wizard" Richard chuckled and in spite of his self and grinned at Zedd who clapped a hand on his back and laughed with him.

"Only the Seeker can trick a wizard of the first order. I guess its my fault you are stubborn….I always taught you to never allow anyone to stop you from doing the right thing. If you think this is what you need to do, then I will support you. Lena's already packing more food for the trip as we speak" Zedd laughed again at Richard's astonished look " I knew I'd never be able to talk you out of it."

Zedd stoop up with Richard and they made their way back to camp. When they returned Chase, Grenden, and Lucan were loading horses.

"You're coming with us?" asked Richard.

"Of course…we can't let you go alone, we must protect the Seeker" teased Grenden.

Everyone joined in the laughter and the jovial mood put Richard at ease. When he had finished tightening the canteen to his saddle, he swung his leg up over the saddle and followed Zedd and the others toward D'Hara…and Kahlan.


	7. Chapter 7

**7. D'Hara **

Up ahead in the grey, bleak distance, there arose before me what I knew to be D'Hara. My stomach clenched in tighter knots as we came closer. Still at a far distance, I thought it was surprisingly beautiful but I knew that evil and darkness lurked behind the walls of its city.

Alone in a vast emptiness, a giant looming shadow, I thought. It was every bit as deceiving as its ruler Darken Raul. I shivered, thinking that I would be facing him very soon.

I had followed the D'Haran army for another day and a half without rest and very little food. My back ached and I could barely feel my thighs and rear because I had been trapped to the saddle for so long now. I was confused as to why they had left me alone after that night, but I wasn't about to question anyone. They would only glance at me with menacing glares and throw lude comments once in a while, but besides that no one had bothered me. I thanked the spirits again and again for my safety. At least for now, I thought.

"Another hour! Let's pick it up" said General Tranzin.

"Thank the spirits" I whispered to myself "now I can get off this horse." As I kicked my heels to quicken the pace I groaned at the pain in my back. Richard and I had always traveled at a fast pace but never like this. He was always so concerned with my comfort, I smiled to myself. Thinking of Richard sent a pang of guilt through my chest and then fear slammed into me as I tried to grapple with the reality of where I was going. There was no turning back now.

The hour passed too soon and we were entering the massive stone arches of D'Hara. As we rode through the main street of the city, I felt a pang of emptiness for the Midlands. The people of D'Hara did not bow to me and smile but watched without interest as we rode unceremoniously by.

We rode our horses up through the courts and around stone pillars and fountains. I noted beautiful carvings of nature and could smell the many flowers that hung twisted around columns. It was more beautiful than I could have imagined and a dull throb of anger ran through my blood, pumping the wrath of the confessor in me. How could such an evil tyrant live here?

I remembered Zedd speaking to us at length about D'Hara and its history, but everything he mentioned never included what I now beheld before my eyes.

My horse suddenly halted and I leaned back, losing my balance for a moment. I heard a few muffled chuckles from the guards behind me as they ordered us to dismount. I did that with even less grace, fumbling over my skirts and having to grab hold of a D'Haran for balance. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice.

I looked to my right and noticed two women in plain white gowns approaching me. They each grabbed an arm and escorted me away. They did not say a word to me, and the D'Haran's seemed to be happy to be rid of me. I asked them their names but they both silenced me rudely.

After several twists and turns and climbs up various stairways, we stopped at a large ornate red wooden door, much like the other ones on the same hallway. They pushed me through and ordered me to a large tub and began peeling me out of my clothing. A bath was such an inviting idea that I forgot to remember that I was a "guest" of Darken Raul.

The women spoke to each other as if I did not exist as they vigorously scrubbed me. I was pushed under the water more than once because my hair was so thick that the soap was hard to rinse off all the way. Marged and Gilla, they called each other. They were both older than me but beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes.

When they were finished washing me, Gilla ordered me out of the tub and Marged wrapped me in towels while she led me to another chamber. There were three other women waiting for us. In Aydindril, I had become used to being dressed and washed but these women were very rough with me. They kept admonishing each other to make "her", meaning me, perfect for Raul. I shuddered at the thought.

When one of the other women shoved me down on the bed and spread my legs I screamed. Gilla grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her "Silence Confessor!" My eyes began to water as hot wax was spread on my nether hairs and I bit my lip to keep from crying out as she removed them all in one painful stroke.

Tears were leaking from the corners of my eyes but no one took notice of me and began to dress me as though I was nothing but a manakin. I stared at my reflection as they pinned my hair up off my neck and placed a red ruby necklace around my throat. Gilla, who was helping me into my corset, tightened the stays so that my breasts seemed to fall out of the top. She grinned and told the other women that Raul would enjoy the view. Just the thought of him looking at me made me want to vomit.

When they were finished I was staring at a stranger in the mirror. I was in a red dress that hugged my curves and flowed to the floor hiding my feet. Even though I was dressed, I felt naked. I tried to pull the front of my dress up but to no avail.

"Come, he'll be waiting for her." Marged said to the others.

As they led me down the long hallways, I felt as though I was marching to my own beheading and I ached for Richard as tears began to stream down my face.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch8 Meeting **

I tried to breathe evenly, but the panic in my chest pushed out tight short breaths. My mind wandered aimlessly and played over the terrible things I imagined would happen once I was Raul's wife. No one told me anything but I knew that they were leading me to Lord Raul's chambers. Balling my hands into fists at my sides, I began to concentrate on ridding my face of all emotion and hid them behind the safe locked doors of a confessor's heart where no one, not even Darken Raul, could find them.

I began to take notice of where we were going and carefully tucked away any details that I could remember into my memory for safe keeping. There were countless hallways and they all seemed to blend together and look the same. Sometimes we would pass through large chambers that were empty to cross over to another hallway. Stairs led down until I thought we were underground and then would unexpectedly go up again. At one point we crossed over an outdoor walkway that had notches in the walls for archers to watch through. If I even got the chance to escape, I would never be able to find my way out of this marble prison.

When we reached the top of yet another set of stairs we came to an open pair of double doors. As I came to the top I noticed a man with his back turned gazing out a window on the far left side of the room. My stomach dropped like an anvil when I realized that it was Darken Raul.

It was quiet in his chambers and it made our soft footsteps meet the plush carpet with a padded sound that echoed around the room. I took a deep breath as he turned around with an unsettling smile on his face. As he walked towards us, he made a wave of his hand to dismiss the women and other staff closing the doors behind them and I felt like I was in a prison.

He said nothing at first. His sharp blue eyes took in every inch of me as he walked around to inspect me like a prize in the market. A soft fingertip caressed my shoulder as he made his way to the front again and I shuddered with fear. The sound of my heartbeat against my ears was deafening and made the movements of his long robes sound muffled. He kept smiling and stood toe to toe before me, licking his disgusting fingertips and giving a contented hum as his eyes roamed my figure once more.

"My, my, the mother confessor in my chambers all to myself" he leaned his face closer to me and I could feel his rancid breath on my face but I did not flinch "what fun I'm going to have with you." He reached out and ran a spit soaked finger down my chest between my breasts as he smiled wider. "But it would be a pity without the seeker here to join our little party, don't you think?"

"Leave him out of this, Raul" I hissed, drawing strength from my anger. "Richard won't follow me; I can assure you of that."

He gave a mocking look of shock "And why not? His greatest love is in the hands of his greatest enemy, what better way to get him to come to me?"

When I didn't answer, he laughed in my face "What's the matter Confessor" he spat my title at me "does Richard not want you now that he knows what your powers could do to him?" I continued to glare back with my confessors face even as his words cut my like a knife. "Don't try to play naïve with me, Denna told me how she so kindly informed the ignorant Seeker about his love's little secret."

"What do you want, Raul?" I snapped. I was growing tired of his games.

"Hmmm…" he said as he glanced behind us at the bed. "I could think of a few things." Grinning wickedly he pulled me tight against him, running both hands down my back and grabbed my behind. I cringed as he kissed me on the neck racking his teeth painfully over my shoulder before letting me go.

Searching my face for any signs of disgust he sighed "you know, I am an honorable man and will marry you before I bed you." He said this tauntingly as he began to walk around the room. He grabbed two silver goblets from a nearby table and poured some wine and offered me a glass. "Wine, Confessor?"

I stood frozen as he watched me over the top of his glass, drinking the wine that he allowed to spill down his chin. He flung the cup to the floor then and grabbed my glass, emptying that one too and slammed it to the floor following the other. He grabbed me by the wrists and whirled me around, pushing me until we came to his bed. He pinned me down with my arms above me with one hand and with the other he fondled my breasts while he laughed. He put more weight on me as he began to pull up my dress rubbing his hand along the inside of my thigh. When he touched my femininity I bit back a sob but could not stop my tears. "Are you thinking of Richard right now, sweet Kahlan" he mocked as he forced three fingers inside me.

But I didn't get to answer as he bent down and captured my lips in a painful, biting kiss. My mind reeled and I tried to separate myself but I could still feel Raul's rough fingers where no one but Richard should have been. The tears kept coming until he tired of me yanking me up by my hair and tossing me to the floor.

.

I saw blood staining his fingers that had touched me and he used his tongue to wipe them clean. "I'm through with you for now, confessor." He said smiling. "There will be much more to come in our future together. I will enjoy having you as my wife" and with that he left the room, throwing open the doors loudly and calling for his servants.

"Get the Mother Confessor whore out of my chambers. I'll send for her again when I need her. Move, all of you now!" he shouted as I picked myself off the floor, smoothing my dress and hair. It didn't matter, really, nothing did. My heart broke for Richard and all I wanted was him.

The women led me back to my chambers and locked me in alone. I lay on the bed and rolled onto my side and wept, my whole body shacking with sobs. I wanted Richard to come for me, but not at the cost of his life. But I was even more afraid that he didn't want to come for me. I cried and cried until a fitful sleep overtook me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ch9 Planning **

The sound of swords clashing together echoed through the forest as Richard and his band of travelers fought a squad of D'Harans. Wizard's fire hit the back of a tree at enormous rate killing two of them in its wake. Lucan and Grenden were back to back fighting off five of the attackers and Richard was surrounded by three.

Richard ducked and swiped his sword cutting into the legs of two D'Harans. As they lost their footing, Richard drove in, spearing one, then the other in the chest and pushing the last one down on top of the other as he removed his sword. The third man behind him swung his sword above Richard's head with all intentions of a death blow but Richard stepped to the side at the last minute catching his sword with his and unarming him. Lucan, who had been on his way to help after finishing off two of his own fighters, met the assailant with a sword to his chest.

Zedd finished off the last D'Haran as Grendan was pulling his knife out of the chest of another. They were all breathing hard and bloodied in the sudden quiet aftermath of the fight.

"Everyone alright?" Richard asked as he returned his sword to its scabbard.

"It seems so. That's the third squad today so we must be getting close to D'Hara" said Lucan.

"I'm ready for another one" grinned Grenden as he poured water on his head and shook out his hair. "I love a good fight.

"All you young people and your endless energy always wanting some adventure. You're likely to get yourselves killed" complained Zedd as he took a seat at the bottom of a spruce tree. "Now what we need is a hot meal."

"We don't have time to hunt right now Zedd. We're close to the Peoples Palace and I'm not stopping. If we hurry, we can be there by nightfall" said Richard as he tossed Zedd an apple. "Munch on this old man" he teased. Zedd harrumphed but bit greedily into his apple nonetheless.

"Have you thought of what we're going to do once we get to the People's Palace?" Asked Lucan who was taking weapons from some of the fallen D'Harans.

"I have an idea but I'm not sure it will work" said Richard as he ran a hand through his blood matted hair. He took his canteen and poured it on his head, just as Grenden had, and rinsed off the blood from the fight. "I was thinking we could take these uniforms as a disguise. That could get us in, but once we are, there's no way of knowing where Kahlan is."

"That's where a wizard of the first order comes in handy" said Zedd beaming with pride. "I know the layout of the People's Palace well. I can show you the quickest way in and also give you more than one escape route. That should help you."

Richard thought a moment. "Zedd, maybe that will work but I still haven't figured out a way to get Kahlan out. She must be guarded very well if she is Raul's…." He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. If she was his wife then….Richard shook his head and forced the thoughts out of his head.

"Maybe we should think about creating a diversion" suggested Grenden.

"Like what?" countered Lucan.

Suddenly they heard someone running through the brush towards them, but it was only Chase. He had been scouting when they were attacked by the D'Harans and looked as though he might have encountered a fight of his own.

"Chase!" beamed Richard. "What did you find out?"

"There's to be a wedding tomorrow in the square" he said, still short of breath from the run. He glanced at Richard. "Raul and Kahlan's wedding."

Richard sighed with relief that they were not too late…but then he thought of Raul and his vile way with women and the fear for Kahlan gripped him again.

"Let's ride out then. If we can get to her before Raul weds her then…." Zedd began.

"Then what?" Richard snapped "Her virtue will be saved? I doubt Raul would have waited." He gritted his teeth in fury and climbed up to the top of his horse gripping his sword. "Let's go." With that he kicked his heels and his horse spend off into a quick run while the rest of the group clambered onto their horses and raced off to catch up with Richard.

When Zedd pulled up along side Richard, he searched his grandson's face and found tears on his face. "My boy, I know you are afraid for Kahlan but we'll find her. Don't worry about what could be, worry about what is."

Richard shot a glare at Zedd "If he's touched her…" his voice cracked with emotion "I won't be killing him because it's my destiny. That matters less to me than Kahlan. I'll…I'll bury him alive in his own garden of black magic where he can be tortured for all eternity." Richard promised, feeling his chest rise and fall with unchecked emotion.

"Richard…" said Zedd with a warning tone "you must not let your emotions rule you. Use your head, not your heart. Believe me; I know what you're going through." Said Zedd with sorrow in his eyes from his own memories.

"Zedd…I made her cry! The last time I saw her. I hurt her and….what if she doesn't want to see me anymore?" Richard was still afraid he had lost Kahlan, even though her letter said differently. He reasoned she probably said those words just for him not really meaning them. But Kahlan was a confessor and confessors didn't lie….usually. She had lied to him. Richard took a shaky breath and forced a smile for Zedd.

"There you are Seeker. Don't worry about Kahlan. Whatever happened between you and her can be fixed. Have some faith in her, Richard." Zedd consoled. They looked ahead and found they were descending into a valley and when the trees of the forest began to disappear, the Peoples Palace rose before them.

With new resolve Richard said "Thanks Zedd. You're right. I should have more faith in Kahlan." I just hope she can forgive me…he thought to himself. His heart began to hammer in his chest as he looked at the Palace knowing that Kahlan was inside somewhere made him want to race down the hill and run his horse straight inside and demand they give release her.

But Zedd was right….emotions only caused you to forget your reasoning, so he reluctantly turned his horse to the right into a clutch of trees.

They dismounted and Chase led the horses to another secure location where they could be hidden. The rest of them teased and leered at each other as they changed into their D'Haran disguises.

"The D'Haran Seeker" laughed Grenden who received a playful punch from Richard.

"You make a great D'Haran too" Richard laughed. And they did. Lucan, Grenden and Richard looked the part, even strapped with D'Haran weapons that they had taken form the men they had killed earlier that day. Richard kept the sword of truth but added a D'Haran sword to the opposite side.

"I'm ready" said Richard. "Now we just need to have Zedd show us where to go so we can get in. Zedd, you and Chase stay here. Give us at least two hours. If we're not back by then, come and get us. If we lose each other we can all meet up here on the west wing" he said pointing with one of Kahlan's daggers."

"I think I should go with you" stated Zedd. "Raul is a very powerful wizard and you'll need my protection against his magic."

"I need you here Zedd. You and Chase can hold off anyone who is pursuing us while we get Kahlan somewhere safe.

"I don't like it Richard, but I'll stay. Just don't do anything rash, I'm warning you. Raul is not someone who is easily fooled. Do you know what this could mean for you Richard?" Zedd asked. "If you defeat Raul tonight all of this will be over. You will have fulfilled the prophecy." Zedd was getting an excited twinkle in his eyes but the seriousness of the situation had Richard's stomach in knots.

"Zedd..." Richard's voice got serious. "What if I fail?"

"Then you will try again."

Zedd made it sound so simple that Richard almost believed he could succeed. But, for some unknown reason, he had an aching apprehension that something bad was going to happen. He just didn't know what. All he could do now was wait for the sun to set so he could rescue Kahlan.


	10. Chapter 10

**10. Bittersweet **

"Shhhh..." cautioned Richard holding his hand up indicating for Lucan and Grenden to stop. The three of them ducked quickly behind a high pile of barrels of ambrosia. Lucan grinned and opened one into his mouth and swallowed loudly which received a glare from Richard. His eyebrows shot up in surprise at seeing what Lucan had just done, but let it slide. Maybe it was a good idea to not let apprehension get the best of you in a situation like this.

A soft echo of footsteps that had caused them to seek a hiding place came closer, approaching their direction. They all glanced at each other with encouragement and gripped the hilts of their swords. None of them so much as breathed as a group of richly dressed men passed by, their robes brushing the floor past them in a _whish. _

They waited a few seconds before checking the hallway in both directions before venturing out again. Getting in to the Peoples Palace had been easy, but now they had to configure a plan of how to get to Kahlan without being suspected as fake D'Harans. Three D'Harans wandering together aimlessly around the Palace would look suspicious, so they decided to split up and take different routes to their destinations.

They had studied the maps Zedd had drawn over dinner. Lucan would take the left side around the court yard and up towards Raul's council rooms where he met with his important advisors. If Raul was there without Kahlan, which is what they were hoping, he would try to detain Raul, giving Grenden and Richard enough time to find Kahlan.

Grenden would follow Richards's route parallel on the other side of main hall that divided the left wing into two parts. This way, he would be close at hand in case Richard needed him and also able to deflect anyone from discovering Richard.

Their plans seemed loosely possible to Richard, but he prayed to the spirits that he would succeed.

**xxxxxxx**

I was so lost in my thoughts that when my door opened I startled almost falling off the couch I had been sitting on. I had taken the dreadful red gown off, discarding it needlessly on the floor. I had peeled off all my clothes scrubbing myself with cold water to rid myself of Raul's touch but to no avail. There was nothing for me to wear except a shift. I had grabbed a blanket and clutched it around the shift to cover more of myself in an attempt to feel less vulnerable.

Looking up I saw three Mord Sith enter the room. Fear nearly caused me to faint but I gripped my confessors face hard and stood up to greet my fate bravely.

"Mother Confessor" purred one of them as she walked around me, much in the same way that Raul had earlier. "We have come to fetch you for your first training lesson. I assure you we will all have splendid fun." She grinned wickedly at her sisters. "Girls" she addressed them "this is the one the Seeker called for when Denna let me play with him one day." They both showed no emotion but nodded in response. "Let me introduce myself. My name is Constance and these are my sisters, Katrina and Elise. We are all very fond of the Seeker" they all smirked wickedly at that.

She laughed as she slammed the agiel into my side and I screamed at the tormenting pain as it rushed through my whole body like fire. I collapsed to the floor only to be jerked up by Katrina and dragged out of my room down the hall. That was the last thing I remember before blacking out.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

As Richard followed the route to the quarters of Darken Raul he heard a high pitched scream from somewhere relatively close by. His heart began to race. He would recognize that scream anywhere. It was Kahlan's. Without thinking Richard began to run towards the sound, but as he was rounding a corner he ran face first into Darken Raul.

At first he was too stunned to think, but he had already pulled his sword and had it leveling at Raul's neck in reflex.

"Well, well, if it isn't the Seeker. Let me guess…are you here for Kahlan?"

"Where is she?" he demanded as he tried to drive his sword into Raul's neck. Confused, he tried to push forward on his sword but all he met was resistance as If there was a wall between his sword and Raul.

Raul laughed wickedly and grabbed Richard's sword by the blade, shoving it out of the way. Richard stumbled slightly but there were guards behind him already, grabbing him roughly by the arms.

"I can take you to see Kahlan if you'd like," he taunted. "I'm sure she'd be delighted to see you." He grabbed the throat of Richard's shirt threateningly "And don't even think about taking her. She belongs to me now, Seeker."

"Take him to my chambers and chain him up with the Confessor." Raul glared back at Richard who was speechless as he was pushed toward Raul's quarters. He tried to think of anything that would help him escape, but the only thing on his mind was Kahlan.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

I was forced awake by a blow to my face. I tried to focus through my blurred vision as another blow came from out of nowhere followed by the writhing pain of two agiels pressed to both sides of my neck. My eyes fluttered shut but I was slapped again and the face of Constance was suddenly very close "you're weak, Confessor." She said spitting in my face. I tried with all my strength and somehow managed to spit back at her. She growled in rage and slammed her agiel into my stomach causing me to choke up blood.

From somewhere nearby, she pulled on a chain that lowered me to the ground so that my feet were now touching the cold tiled floor. She tightened the chains on my wrists and I cried out in agony. I noticed then, that we were in Raul's quarters and she saw my eyes wandering behind her.

"Raul wanted to redecorate his room in honor of the wedding tomorrow. He wants the walls to match the stain of your maidenhood with stains of your blood on the walls." She grinned wickedly, seeing my repulsed expression.

She was about to say something else when the sound of chains and the doors being forced open distracted both of us as we turned.

"I told no one to disturb me! I'm under Raul's strict orders to train the Mother Confessor…"

"You have new orders Constance." Said the rough looking D'Haran that entered the room with authority. "Raul is on his way here now." He turned to address his men. "Raul said to chain him up with the Confessor."

When they dragged Richard in, I heard my voice scream in panic, his name escaping me in a wail. He was bruised and bloody and his shirt had been ripped off of him. When he looked up our eyes locked instantly and, despite the circumstances, I was breathless just the same as every time he looked at me. I saw sorrow and panic etched across his beaten face and wanted nothing more than to soothe him.

The D'Haran's and the Mord Sith were arguing about where to put Richard but the only option were the chains that had been pounded into the stone slab that I was attached to. They relented and dragged him over towards me to chain him up. Our eyes were locked as the D'Harans roughly attached him to the same stone slab and locked his shackles right behind mine.

I could feel his breath on my neck and the heat of his body at my back as tears escaped my eyes. "I'm so sorry Richard….I…"

"Shhhh….you have nothing to be sorry for. I'll get us out of this, somehow."

"You should have never come here" I hissed in a whisper "you could be killed!"

"And let you be a slave to Raul the rest of your life? Not a chance, Kahlan. I could never leave you here, not for anything in the world."

A shiver of desire spread down my spine as he kissed the back of my neck gently, but full of something more than friendship. Despite the fear that ran in torrents through my veins, I found comfort in having him here with me. When we got out of this, I promised myself, Richard was in for a tongue lashing from the Mother Confessor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ch. 11 Anguish **

I closed my eyes to the fear that surrounded me and leaned back against Richard, relishing in the feel of his skin pressed against me. I shuddered in apprehension, and part passion, as I tried to think of how we were going to get out of this. At least Richard was with me.

As if he could read my thoughts he put his mouth to my ear whispering "We'll get out of this, Kahlan. I promise. Grenden and Lucan are in the Peoples Palace and Zedd and Chase will be on their way soon, looking for us." He reassured me.

"You always make everything seem so easy even when it's hopeless."

"Nothing is hopeless." I felt his face break into a grin behind me. I could feel his muscles tensing as he attempted to loosen his shackles. He was always so determined and fearless, I thought to myself. I smiled my special smile for him, even if he couldn't see it.

"Thank you Richard….for making me feel safe, I mean." I said shyly.

"Sure Kahlan" he said paying more attention to the Mord Sith and D'Harans as they went about rearranging a long table of weapons.

"Richard…." I hissed. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I am…" as he maneuvered his wrists around loosening their hold only a little. "And you're welcome for making you feel safe" he said and kissed my shoulder. I sighed, dear spirits what was I going to do with him, I thought smiling to myself.

I suddenly tensed, hearing the distant sound of Rahl's voice approaching. As he entered the room I heard Richard curse him under his breath. He walked in, his robes floating after him. He did not even look in our direction when he came in but went to the table that contained the weapons. He examined them with reverence, as though they were living things as the doors to his chambers were shut and barred closed. He shed his robe and turned around meeting my eyes. I felt very exposed as he moved his gaze over my body.

"Seeker…so good of you to join us for our…gathering, if you will." He said caressing the sword of truth tauntingly as he spoke. "This is a special occasion and we wanted you to be here…so you wouldn't miss the fun." He laughed wickedly and tossed the sword back to a Mord Sith who placed it on the table among the other weapons.

"Kahlan" he purred walking towards us "I know I promised you your virtue until our wedding night…but I'm sure Richard wouldn't want to miss the blessed event" he leered. Fear began to overwhelm me as Rahl continued to slowly walk towards me.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Richard defended…his low voice vibrating against me and I could feel him shaking in anger.

"Or what…" taunted Rahl "It seems you're a bit… tied up at the moment." Everyone laughed then and I felt tears threatening to escape. Rahl began to untie the strings of his pants as he came to stand in front of me. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to look at him and heard his pants drop to the floor. I flinched and screamed as he ripped off my shift. Rahl backhanded me and grabbed me by the face "Silence Confessor" he said and spat in my face.

"Get your hands off her! Stop! Whatever it is you want…just tell me, and its done. Just let Kahlan go!" pleaded Richard.

"Why, Richard….I have everything I need here right in front of me" he said as he roughly squeezed my breasts and separated my feet with his leg. I could feel him hard against my thigh and I breathed in short rapid breaths to keep from vomiting. He brought one hand down between my thighs and separated my folds "No…..!" I wailed "Please…please…don't do this…not in front of Richard" but he ignored my pleas. I tensed when I felt him at my opening and he looked up at me as he roughly pushed himself inside saying "This is for Richard." I heard Richard behind me cursing Rahl, but the words wouldn't register. I felt like I was falling.

The pain was like fire between my legs and he dug his rough hands into my flesh ripping it in places, causing me to bleed. I sobbed uncontrollably at the horror of what he was doing to me.

"Kahlan"….Richard sobbed behind me. "Listen to me. I'm right here with you….I'm never going to leave you…I promise….I'm so sorry….." He choked through his tears "I love you so much. Do you know that? Ever since the day I met you." His tears were running down my neck as he watched helplessly.

As Rahl reached the precipice of his lust he shoved me hard against Richard ramming himself deeper inside of me, holding himself there. I screamed in agony as I felt his seed spread into me. I begged the spirits not to allow a child to grow from this nightmare as Rahl grunted his pleasure. He finally pulled out of me, blood covering the front of him and ordered the Mord Sith to get me down.

I collapsed, my legs shaking from the trauma but was pulled up roughly and dragged over to the opposite side of the chamber.

"Kahlan?" it was Richard but I couldn't bring myself to even look at him in my shame. It felt like forever, but it had only taken a moment to ruin me.

"Now I have something for you…my darling Kahlan." He sneered pulling his robe back on and grabbing an ageil from a near by Mord Sith. He tapped it against his hand and sauntered his way back to Richard. I felt like I was watching this happen outside of my body and I stood frozen and helpless. Rahl slammed his agiel into Richard's chest and I screamed.

My body began shaking uncontrollably and I could feel the anger in me taking over. My blood began to rock beneath my skin and the room around me turned into a hazy shade of red. I threw my head back and screamed with an otherworldly violence. Everything made of glass shattered, and the doors banged open with a loud crash. The chains holding Richard popped open causing him to crumble to the floor and I watched him as he crawled behind me to grab his sword. Everyone else seemed to become like statues cemented to the floor as I fixed my gaze on them. I searched for Rahl, but he was no where to be found, but everyone else was mine. I raised my hand and released my powers feeling the rush of soundless thunder engulf me. The entire room bowed, begging me to command them. "Die!" my voice ordered in a hollow voice of authority and everyone dropped suddenly without even a last breath.

The room began to spin and I collapsed to my knees. I could suddenly hear voices I recognized around me but couldn't focus enough to register what they were saying I felt someone drape a shirt around my shoulders and I reflexively grabbed them in warning.

I heard Richard's voice call my name and at that moment the hazy redness faded. I fell forward into his chest and he lifted me into his arms. I felt the air rustle my hair as he carried me. I wrapped an arm around his neck and clung to him for dear life…and then everything went black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ch.12 Apprehensions **

Zedd's brow furrowed in worry as he watched his grandson's blank disconnected look fixed on an unseen nothingness in front of him. He had been distant like this since they left D'Hara and that was four days ago. They had stopped in Hampstead to ride out a blizzard and were now sitting around a table filled with food and hot cider…there was music and dancing…everyone seemed in high spirits except Kahlan and Richard. They barely looked at each other and seemed to avoid each other. Zedd didn't want to pry, but he had a feeling something bad had happened.

He pulled Richard aside and walked up to the counter to order more ambrosia. Richard ordered his third for the night, which was very unlike him. Zedd raised and eyebrow at Richard wondering if he would get anywhere with him if he had drank too much.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about Zedd?" 

"What?" asked Zedd, startled out of his thoughts.

"I know you Zedd. You called me away from the group. You rarely do that unless you want to talk to me about something private. So, what is it?" He asked, pounding down his third drink of the evening and slamming his empty mug on the counter indicating a refill.

"Is everything all right, Richard?"

"Sure, why do you ask?" He answered, not meeting Zedd's gaze which usually meant he was hiding something.

"You've just been…different. Did you and Kahlan have a talk about her powers? Because…you know I've been telling you…."

"Zedd…it's not that, or anything. I've just got a lot on my mind right now. With Raul still being a threat and now the fact that rescuing Kahlan meant breaking the treaty…I'm afraid of what he's going to come up with next. I just want to be prepared, Zedd." There, Richard thought, that should tide the old man over.

Zedd smiled at Richard and put an arm around his shoulders as they weaved their way back to the table. "Everything will work out Richard. You're the Seeker, after all. You haven't failed to do the right thing ever." He raised a toast to Richard and everyone raised their cup except for Richard.

Richard noticed Kahlan staring with hollow eyes full of sorrow in his direction and quickly looked away. He grabbed his drink and stepped outside and began to search for a secluded spot to be alone. At once he found the silent refuge of a wayward pine and stepped inside. Even in the blizzard-like conditions, the wayward pine was the perfect place to be alone. There was a circle of rocks in the middle where someone before him had built a fire and he smiled, despite himself, at his luck. He struck the flint and lit the fire. It wasn't before long that the inside of the pine began to warm.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

I watched him leave then excused myself, feigning exhaustion. I ordered a warm cider and stepped outside into the snowy night. I knew what he was doing and it had to stop. Richard hadn't so much as looked at me since we left D'Hara and I was tired of this chasm that had come between us.

It didn't take me long to track him…it was his fault for teaching me so well. When I was about to go inside I noticed I could hear him crying. My heart clenched and I pushed aside the branches and stepped inside. He looked up startled. Noticing it was me; he avoided my eyes and didn't say anything. I sat across from him and warmed my hands and welcomed the comfort of just being with him after it seemed like we'd been apart forever. I looked up and found him watching me.

"Why are you here?" he asked quietly.

"I missed you, that's all. You just seemed so distant lately and I want to know why?" 

"You know why." He said, his voice breaking.

"No, I don't." I looked up letting my pent up sorrow consume me "Why do you expect me to go through this alone? Do I so disgust you now that I've been with Raul that you can't even LOOK at me anymore?" I asked, my lower lip quivering. "You heard me say no….I didn't want to Richard. I swear by the spirits…I didn't want to. I never meant to betray you in that way…I…I'm sorry!" I sobbed covering my face with my hands.

I heard him move close to me and he moved my hands gently away from my face. Confusion etched in his kind eyes as he brushed my wind blown hair away from my face and wiped my tears away with his fingertips. "Kahlan…" he spoke with such tenderness that it caused me to choke out a sob. "Look at me." When I met his eyes he took my face between his shaking hands "Do you think I'm mad at you for what happened?"

"Yes…" I wailed "You won't hold me, or look at me or talk to me anymore…what am I supposed to think?"

"I could never blame you Kahlan! What happened wasn't your fault….it was mine. I don't deserve you….not after what I let him do to you."

"You didn't let him rape me, Richard! You couldn't free yourself! There's nothing you could have done. I would never blame you, Richard."

"But I was there" he cried trying to back away from me, but I wrapped my arms around him, and climbed into his lap holding him against my chest as he wept. "Every time I close my eyes I hear you crying and screaming….and I couldn't do anything….nothing! I couldn't even hold you."

"Hold me now then" I whispered. And then he did, and we both wept our tears falling on each other.

"Kahlan…it would be impossible for you to do anything that would make me not care for you. Nothing….ever. I promise."

I felt a bitter ache in my chest when he didn't say he loved me but I knew I couldn't expect someone as noble as Richard to look at me the same way, now that I was ruined. I moved to the side of him clutching the warm cloak around me and resolved to accept the way he felt about me.

"Did I say something wrong, Kahlan?"

"No." I said, sounding weaker than I wanted to so I shook my head no, hoping he wouldn't catch my lie.

He grabbed my upper arms gently, turning me to face him saying "Tell me. I know you Kahlan, and you're not a very good liar."

"I…I don't know. I just thought …" 

"Thought what? Its okay, you can tell me."

"….that you loved me." I said quickly squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see his reaction. My cheeks burned with shame and I hid my face against my knees. I jumped, feeling his arms encircle me and pull me tight against him.

His voice was low and tender in my ear "I love you more than anything in my life, Kahlan.." he said with such absolute truth that it stunned me. I looked up at him then, seeing his eyes reflecting the light of the fire and I had never felt more loved in my whole life. He reached a hand up to the side of my neck caressing me there and I closed my eyes and leaning into his touch. He brought his lips very close to mine looking into my eyes as if to question if I was okay. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck, sliding my hands into his hair and pulled him closer as he kissed me, deep and passionate with tenderness that only he could ever give me.

I pulled away, breathless, resting my forehead against his. "I was afraid you wouldn't want me….in that way…anymore. Not after you found out about my powers…and now, that I'm ruined…"

"Kahlan!" he stopped me "do you actually think that your powers would stop me from wanting to be with you? They're a part of you." He said sounding appalled that I would even think that of him "I love everything you are. Your powers are what brought you to me…they're just in the way until I can figure out a way around them." He said mischievously "And you're not ruined, Kahlan."

"But, how could you want me after I've been with Raul…I betrayed you…I'm so sorry!"

"Kahlan," he said gripping my arms tightly to emphasize his reasoning "You did not betray me with Raul…unless you love him…and I don't think you do, do you" he asked raising his eyebrow in mock apprehension. I laughed, which was all the answer he needed "as I was saying. You never betrayed me with your heart. And that matters more to me than anything. And….you're not ruined Kahlan." He said as tears began fresh in his eyes "I would never see you that way. You belong to me…not Raul. No matter what he's done to you, he can't destroy the love that I have for you."

I smiled looking at the man I loved and I knew that every word he said was true. He captured my lips in another kiss. I pulled back just for a moment saying "Richard"…I waited until our eyes were locked before saying "I love you so much. And I always have and I always will. He smiled and kissed me again and we spent the rest of the night in each other's arms knowing that, no matter what happened, we would always have our love for each other.


End file.
